BY MICHAEL WEST
In the contemporary society, polygamy is no longer a fashionable family lifestyle. It is gradually being consigned to the waste bin of archaic era. It is often believed that polygamy is rooted in African and religious cultures. Nay, it used to be a global conjugal phenomenon even right from the cradle as mankind began to replenish the earth through procreation. In the history of mankind, polygamy was never a sin.
I don’t believe that God will send anybody to hell on account of being a polygamist. Rather, unfaithfulness, favouritism and acts of wickedness that often emanate from jealousy and hot rivalry will ultimately send the unrepentant polygamists to the abyss.
Those who are not permitted to go into polygamy, according to the Word, are the called and ordained ministers of the gospel; and this is for the purpose of their divine assignments. But as for those who were already in polygamy before they met Christ or received their calls, the church leadership will attend to such cases as led by the Holy Spirit who is the great Teacher and Counsellor. However, there are those who detest polygamy but in an unexplainable way find themselves in it.
There are those who hate to have children outside wedlock but inadvertently are now parents to children in and outside matrimony. Also, there are those who have been stigmatized as “serial divorcees” but they can’t explain how they arrived at the unpleasant destination of marital or relationship failure.
These situations necessitate the need to make the God-factor (G-factor) a priority in every relationship. It is easy to pontificate on how and why some marriages or relationships are not working. Even if we proffer intellectual and expert opinions and analytical prognoses, yet, things might not work out as envisaged. This is why we must acknowledge the power of fate and the fallibility of man which underscore the need for G-factor in our lives.
A middle-age man had dated his girlfriend for over six years with a promise to marry her. As a result, she did everything to please him. She had terminated about five unwanted pregnancies over the period.
In the seventh year when they were planning to consummate the relationship, he met another beautiful girl, a fresh graduate from her village who came to Lagos to prospect for job. Within a month of meeting, he got his new girlfriend pregnant. Alarmed by the development, he persuaded her to terminate the pregnancy but she bluntly refused, saying she had been warned never to abort. While he was perfecting his plans to finally dump his girlfriend of seven years and settle down with his new babe, his first lady was already pregnant again! She had been warned by her doctor that she may not survive another abortion as her condition was becoming risky due to the previous abortions. Medical tests confirmed three weeks gap between the two pregnancies. This was how he ended up being a polygamist.
A hard working woman had always dreamt of having a great “me and my husband only” kind of family life. But as fate would have it, each of the serious relationships she had produced a child before breakup. As at today, she is yet unmarried and solely fending for four boys.
A good-looking man is still single after a number of wasteful investments on failed relationships. Thinking perhaps he’s a playboy, but his last fiancée said “he’s a good and caring man. Why I broke up with him I can’t say. I felt tired of the relationship without any acrimony. I think he has serious spiritual issues.” According to her, his saving grace was that two of his previous women had a child each for him and he’s planning to have the mothers of his children as wives in a “desperate move to break the jinx” of serial disappointments.
Similarly, a woman has three children from three failed marriages. She is very sceptical of venturing into another marriage but this time as a second or third wife.
Those I relate their stories here are good people in their own unique ways. These experiences further reiterate the supremacy of fate and fallibility of man in his/her own affairs. Frustration and desperation are the reasons some people find themselves in polygamy.
I blame no one for his or her failure in relationships. The race is not for the swift. The Word says by the arm of flesh shall no man prevail; meaning, human efforts amount to nothing without the help of God. Even the Samaritan woman who had five previous marriages was not condemned by Jesus Christ. God knows our infirmities and weaknesses. The power of fate is in operation in many people’s lives. This is why despite efforts being made to make their relationships work, they end up in shambles either as single parents or in polygamous marriages.
The most feasible solutions include: intensive prayers for deliverance, seek help through counseling, get empowered to become financially sustainable and independent, and never accept negative opinions about yourself. It’s your life and whatever challenges you might have are not peculiar to you. It is a phase, it will surely pass away.
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